Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Way A Man Treats His Mom...

Let me first apologize for taking so long to edit this post and also for taking so long to create a new post... Been a lot going on, but anyway, back to business... I've always been told that you can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats his wife and I've come to believe that for the most part, that's true. From what I've seen, if a man has a good relationship with his mom, he'll be good to you and the same is true, in most cases, for a man who doesn't have a good relationship with his mom. A man has to learn how to treat women from his interactions with his mom or his grandmom or whoever his female guardian is. I've said it before and I'll say it again, people don't realize how important it is that a child has both parents in their lives, how much it impacts their lives. It is important that a man develops a loving, healthy relationship with his mom in order to build loving, healthy relationships with women in the future. When a man is taught to treat his mom with respect and to appreciate her and all that she does for him, he'll carry that with him into his adult life and relationships. Be mindful of that when you begin a relationship with a new guy, pay attention to how he his mom as well as the way he interacts with other women he comes in contact with. This is some of the best advice my mother has ever given me and I hope you take heed to it.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What's A Step Parent's Role?

As if building a relationship or marriage isn't hard enough, add the fact that you're entering a "ready made" family to the mix and the difficulty is magnified. It's hard to figure out your position in this situation. Should you participate in disciplining the child(ren)? How are you to know what's crossing the line and what isn't? What exactly is your "place"? I'm certain that these and plenty of other questions are asked when you're put in a position of becoming the parent of a child who isn't biologically yours. In order to get things to run smoothly I say once again communication is key. Talk with your partner and also the biological parent of the child(ren) if the option is there and try to come to some type of agreement on where your place is, what is appropriate and what isn't, express your concerns to them. Every situation is different and I know that sometimes it is not only the new responsibility of being a step parent and significant other that is overwhelming, but  the rude/childish behavior of the child's other biological parent is also a huge issue. As for that, all I can say is try to find some common ground if that is at all possible because after all you all need to get along and come to some type of agreement for the sake of the child(ren). Keep in mind that the child or children are the most important thing in this situation and you have to decide if you're willing to do what it takes to make things as stable as possible for them. Think long and hard before making a decision, if your decision is to try to stick it out, try to keep communication open and remember that these things take time.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Does Falling In Love Really Take Time?

Some people fall in love after years of dating, some say it takes years of being with someone in order to know whether or not you love them. Others say they knew immediately or at least after a few days or weeks that they were in love. Can love truly be real after such a short amount of time? Do you have to be with someone several years before knowing they're "the one"? I personally think that even if you don't want to admit that you love a person after a short time, you know early on whether or not you can see yourself with that person and if it takes you years to know you truly love a person that may not be such a good sign. To each his own.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

God Is Good

I'm gonna keep this one short, sweet, and to the point. No matter what it is that you're going through, things could always be worse. You have to remember that you're blessed just to be alive. So many things in your life could've gone another way, but God saw fit that things worked out for the better. Know that God is good all the time and all the time God is good. He'll never put more on you than you can bear and He's always with you. You're too blessed to be stressed.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Is An Ultimatum The Answer?

This, too, is an age old question, should you give him an ultimatum... Let's say you've been in a relationship for four years. You've lived together, you've had a child or children,  and everybody around you is beginning to ask you "when's the wedding?". How are you to deal with this? I mean, you've told him on several occasions that you want to marry you and he's told you that you'd make a good wife ONE DAY, but you're wondering when that day will come. Should you tell him it's either a ring or the door or should you just wait it out and let him make that move on his own? It's a tough call to make as every situation is different and where giving an ultimatum may work in some cases, it may turn out badly in others. For this delicate situation, I'd say take time out to think about whether or not you can handle things taking a turn for the worse in the case that you give an ultimatum and can imagine your life without him. You must look at what the outcome could be. I know that on one hand you may want to give an ultimatum because you're not getting any younger and after all, you've been together for years, but have you thought about how you'd feel if he decided to marry you only AFTER your giving him that ultimatum? True enough that may be just the push he needed and he could be grateful to you for making him realize that, but on the flip side, he may marry you and resent you for "making" him do it. All I'm saying is think long and hard before giving him that ultimatum, you never know how things may turn out. It may be everything you wanted and more, but it could also be the worst thing ever.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Could Good Sex Be A Replacement For Love?

You know I know that a lot of people have been accused of confusing good sex with love and in some weird twisted kind of way, I kind of understand. I mean, good sex is GOOD! LOL But love is so much more, so much better. Which is why I can't understand how some people could say all they need is good sex to make it. People who say forget love, all I want is sex.  In my mind, love conquers all things and lasts forever while sex is only good for so long. And also, in my opinion, sex is better when you truly love the person. Now, I can admit that being in a relationship with someone takes time and effort and it can really be frustrating at times, but how long can you have only a sexual relationship with someone before feelings get involved? And how many people can you "hit and quit" before it comes back to haunt you? Now, I do understand and believe that most of the people who believe or claim to believe that good sex is a good substitute for love have been seriously hurt by someone that they actually did love in the past or have come from a home where love was not present or one sided and that caused them to be this way, I get that. However, just going out and finding "buddies" or having several one night stands can cause you more hurt and harm than simply having faith that love will find its way to you. Sex is definitely not going to satisfy you for life, after all, we're all human and humans desire to be loved.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Obsessive Lovers

Have you ever met someone who seemed just a bit too concerned with their partner's life? Or maybe someone who was a bit too clingy? How about dating someone who wanted to know your every move and called you numerous times throughout the day and often multiple times within an hour? People like this should certainly NOT be in relationships and they most definitely should NOT procreate until their issues are resolved. These people are most often insecure and think that by controlling or holding on tight to someone else they can be validated. In a lot of cases where a person is obsessive, there is also emotional and physical abuse and you must be careful in plotting your escape from this person if it is your decision to leave... I always try to see the good in people and believe that everyone can change for the better if they make a conscious effort to do so, it is up to you though, to decide if you want to stick around while they try to make that change for the better. All I'm saying is obsessive lovers are not really lovers at all as what Oprah said on her show Oprah's Lifeclass that she's repeated multiple times over the years and that is "love does not hurt". Love is not jealous or distrusting either. If you're in a relationship with an obsessive person, please seek help immediately because if that person isn't helped soon the results could be deadly.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Should You Tell Your Friend?

Let's say you're out with a few co-workers or acquaintances at the movies or out to eat and you spot your best friend's significant other with someone else. Or what if your car has put you down and you desperately need a ride home, your friend sends his/her S.O. to pick you up and they hit on you. In either of those situations should you tell your friend or let them find out on their own? Is it ever okay to tell your friend that you suspect their significant other of cheating on them? How do you know? I personally have been in this situation before and my advice would be to stay out of the situation. Unfortunately, in most cases, although the person SAYS they want you to be honest with them, the truth hurts and the situation can quickly turn into something you definitely didn't want it to turn into. Your friend may blame you for what happened if their significant other hit on you or get upset and think you're lying to break up their relationship if you tell them you've seen their S.O. with someone else. Now, there are ALWAYS exceptions to every rule and although things didn't go the way I felt they should have in my situation with my friend doesn't mean that would happen in your situation, but if you're ever out in that situation I'd certainly say tread lightly. It's a tough situation to be in and you never know how people will react. What are your thoughts on this?

Monday, November 7, 2011

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Alright, so we all know that no two people are going to get along on everything, all the time meaning there will inevitably be arguments or disagreements. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and there's nothing wrong with sharing it. It's also good to share things that you love about your partner and still share things that you aren't so in love with. I always say communication is key and I stand by that, however, when something not so good is said to you, when something you disagree with is said, when the response to what you said isn't what you wanted STOP and think about how important whatever it is that you're discussing is before you just blow up at your partner. Is this something even worth starting an argument about? Are you offended by what your partner said? If so, tell him/her... In a way that's not so defensive. You have to figure out what things are trivial enough to just let go and which things are big issues that definitely need to be discussed further. All I'm trying to say is, if you have someone in your life that you love, someone who treats you the way you want and need to be treated, someone who is your everything don't mess if up by turning every little thing into an argument. Listen without being in defense mode all the time. Know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Taking A Leap Of Faith

In these past few weeks I've come to learn that taking a leap of faith is just that. It might sound impeccably simple, but when you're in that situation, times come where your faith is tested beyond measure. Things that seem as if they will surely go your way go completely wrong, people you thought you could trust turn their backs on you, and even though in the beginning of the test you had faith that everything would work out and you'd come out on top in the end, you start to lose faith in not only yourself, but God. In these times though, you should draw closer to God as it is in these times that He truly works. These are the times that make us stronger and help us to build better relationships with God. God wants us to trust and have faith in Him and we have no reason not to. I said all that to say if you're thinking about taking a leap of faith and doing whatever it is you feel God is telling you to do, you have to be ready for your faith to be tested. You have to be ready to fully rely on God and believe that He will provide. He will make a way out of no way because if this truly is what He had planned for your life, He won't let you fail, you just have to trust and believe that.