Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Dating 101

Okay, so maybe I'm a little old fashioned, but I really feel like the term dating has lost like ALL of its appeal nowadays. For one, let me just say that hanging out at someone's house (i.e. he/she invited you over to watch movies) is NOT the only way to have a date and some might even go so far as to say that doesn't even count as a date. Dating to me is, at first, going out together, experiencing new things together, really just getting to know each other. You can go to dinner and a movie, you can try a fun, new activity together like paintball or I don't know, ballroom dancing or something. Here is what I don't see as a date though, going to his/her house and being the only man/woman there as they have fun with their friends and you sit in a corner bored to death. A date is not going to McDonald's or Burger King or Church's Fried Chicken for lunch UNLESS you've been married or have dated for a  very long time and money is tight, you only have a short amount of time together before the kids come home, etc. Because in those cases it's the little things that count, making coffee in the morning and taking it to your partner is romantic after you've been together for such a long time (or so I've heard). Even still, my point is this, a date to me is something you put a little effort into. I like to go out and have fun. I want to actually see the types of things you like to do, what types of foods you like, what movies you enjoy watching, how you interact with people other than me, etc. Save all the going to each other's house to watch movies together for later on in the relationship, once you've decided to be serious about each other. Ladies, tell guys you demand more from him than simply driving to his house to sit around and watch whatever sitcom is playing that night. And guys, if you're really interested in a girl, show her. Stop being so quick to stay home and do nothing, go out and show the girl a good time.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

What Do You Want To Know?

Now, typically I just come up with a topic and write about it, but today I wanted to do something a little different as I am frequently asked if I leave the discussions open for questions. Today, I decided to do just that. So, I'm asking YOU, what do you want to know? I'm opening the door up for questions, subjects for new posts, etc. As I always try to make clear, I am NOT licensed to counsel you, but I AM able to give my advice if asked. So, please post your questions for me, topic ideas, comments about my blog, whatever below. Oh, and please do not post any negative questions or comments, take the negative energy elsewhere. Thanks for all of your support! I hope you to hear from you all soon.

Shakina

Monday, August 29, 2011

Are We Really That Two Faced?

So, an interesting topic came up Wednesday of last week while I was doing my weekly show on Hot 977. I was told that women work very well together, however, we don't like each other. I can't say that I was surprised by this comment. I've certainly witnessed this type of behavior and may have even been a culprit in acting this way, too. For instance, a new girl just got hired at work. She walks in wearing her nice pencil skirt, button down blouse, and heels with her head held high. She walks right past you and your group of friends at work and doesn't speak. Instantly, you take a dislike to her. "I mean, really, who does she think she is? She hasn't even been here a week yet. She thinks she's too much." You and your friends might say to each other. Or perhaps you have a crush on a guy you've seen and conversed with at this nice little spot you frequent and one day you see him smiling and talking with an attractive girl. Suddenly, she's the target of all your negative energy and gossip. Or maybe you see a girl you grew up with at the grocery store and you plaster on a smile and greet her as if you were ultra excited to see her, but call her a bitch as soon as she walks away. My question is; why? Why do we have such a problem with each other? Why do we smile in each others face then talk badly about each other? Now, let me also say that I know that not all females are this way, BUT I know that a lot of us are. So, what do you think? What causes us to be so distrusting of each other?

Sunday, August 28, 2011

A New Creature In Christ

They say the hardest thing in the world to do is to forgive yourself... You may have done horrible things in your past, maybe you have been criticised and ostrasized for your wrong doings. Maybe you feel like people will never see past the person you USED to be. Maybe you feel no one will ever love you as the person you are today because of the person you were yesterday. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who have dealt with and may be dealing with these negative thoughts and today I just want to give you some encouragement. Romans 6:4 says "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new. And Isaiah 43:18 says "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." I presented those scriptures to you to say that no matter what you have done in the past, if you trust in believe in Jesus Christ, He will wash away your sins, create in you a new heart. We have all done things that we are not proud of, but we must like Isaiah 43:18 says "not dwell on the past". There is nothing you can do to change what you did before, but when you know better you do better, which means you CAN do something about what you do in your future. Don't be afraid that your past will hinder you from getting that career you always wanted or finding the love you need in your life. You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. You will face obstacles, there will be people who want to tear you down because of your shortcomings, and even those who feel the need to remind you and others of your past whenever you want to do something good. But know that God is with you and greater is He that is within you. You have to know and believe that you can overcome your past, where you've come from doesn't dictate where you're going. Put God FIRST in ALL that you do and KNOW that He WILL make a way.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Spice Up His Life

I just want to point out that men like to feel wanted, needed, and appreciated just as women do. They don't want the only time you do something nice for them to be birthdays, Father's Day, Valentine's Day (although some women feel this day should be reserved for them only), etc just as women don't want holidays to be the only time something special is done for them. I always try to live under the rule of treat people how you want to be treated and I think that is also a good way to approach romance. We always want men to wine and dine us, but we rarely want to give them that same luxury. Men like good surprises, too. Why not go out and buy some new, sexy lingerie and wear it for him when he gets home from a hard day at work? Why not take control in bed tonight and YOU initiate sex? Why not set up a romantic candlelit dinner for two just because? Why not look up ways to give better bjs and put it into practice in order to please him? All I'm saying is, we should show men that we appreciate them and still find them attractive in the same way that we expect them to do that for us. Go out and buy that sexy schoolgirl costume you know he'd love to see you in and wear it for him tonight. Go out and buy a naughty movie and watch it with him to get things going. Try a new position you read was supposed to enhance pleasure for both parties involved. Just be spontaneous! Spice up his life, let out the tigress in you! Have fun with it, let him see that you don't always have to take yourself so seriously, I'm certain he will appreciate the fact that you took some time out to do something nice for him.

I'd like to take this time to thank everyone who read AND commented on my posts. I certainly like hearing your comments and feedback on the issues I present to you. Please continue to comment and if you haven't commented before, please feel free to do so. Thanks for the support!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Definition of A Lady

While conversing with a friend, he brought up a question to me; where have all the ladies gone? He said he feels women now act like/try to compete with men, dress sloppily, curse way too much, and just don't carry themselves like the feminine, delicate creatures they were created to be. Now, I can agree with him to a certain extent because I have noticed as well that more and more women do seem to be doing things that would typically be associated with men such as smoking, drinking until intoxicated, and "cursing like sailors." However, I do believe that ladies still exist. Am I saying that I believe if you curse, drink, or smoke that you aren't a lady, no. What I am saying though, is that typically when defining what a lady is, these three things aren't included in the definition. I think that being a lady is all in the way that you carry yourself. If you carry yourself as if you respect yourself, others will respect you. Do you have to dress like a nun to be a lady? No, you can still dress sexy, yet be classy with it. Does that mean you should never have a drink or go to a party? No, but if you're going to drink, know how much alcohol you can handle. If you're going to party, carry yourself in such a way that people know to respect you. A lady leaves something to the imagination, don't dance so provocatively with guys that they've already concluded what sex with you would be like...What do you think? Do ladies still exist? What's your definition of a lady? Do you think what people consider to be a lady should change with the times?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Our Black Is Beautiful

Black people come in all shapes, sizes, shades, and skin tones. It's what makes us unique as a people, I only wish we all embraced each and everyone of us and valued our differences instead of putting each other down for them. While watching Girlfriends this past weekend, an episode came on that touched on this very subject. It was an episode where Toni decided not to date a guy she'd met online because she felt he was too dark for her. She went on to explain that she didn't want to have a dark skinned little girl who would be told she was pretty for a dark skinned girl or be teased and called "tar baby" because her skin was so dark. This is something that is very common in the black community and is something I have never been able to understand. Is a person less beautiful or handsome because their skin is dark? Is a person of color more beautiful because their skin is lighter? I even have a friend who explained to me that she was taught to only date light skinned guys for that very reason. She was raised to believe that getting married to/having a child with a dark skinned man would be bad because they could end up with a dark skinned child as if that child would be any less lovable because of the color of his or her skin. We are all beautiful regardless of whether our skin is dark, light, cinnamon colored, etc. Black is beautiful and it's a shame that we are not only discriminated against by people in other races, but we're discriminated against by our own people. Why do you think we discriminate against one another? Do you think we'll ever be able to see how beautiful and unique each of us is and embrace it? Why do you think dark skin is typically perceived as a bad thing?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Should Black Women Give Up On Black Men?

As of late, I've read numerous articles relating to black love and ultimately the alarming statistics about single black women. In reading these articles, one thing has rang true on each and every article, it seems that black men are MUCH more open to dating outside of their race than black women. We are loyal to our black men, we love them, we crave their attention, we crave them. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't black women out there who have decided to step outside their race, because some certainly have and have found true love and happiness. However, I am saying (and this is just from my own personal experiences) most black women want a black man. Black love seems to be on the decline though and I think there are so many issues that play into that. For one, most of us were raised in single parent (usually single mom) homes and were taught we had to be strong willed and independent, learn to make it on our own. The problem arises though when we try to get in a relationship with each other and since we've both been taught to be tough, we bump heads and neither of us is willing to back down. Not to mention that black women outnumber black men, there are alarming numbers of black men in jail, and definitely not enough black men in college, and it is also noted that media and even those around us portray black men as animalistic creatures who can not control their hormones. I also want to say that I am not trying to place all the blame on black men because I do realize that we black women have our faults, too. We're portrayed as angry, confrontational, demanding, and uncompromising. It has been said that many black women just don't know how to treat black men, we don't show them enough love. The real issue, I believe, is that our family structure has been broken, that's a topic for another post though... So, my question is this, since black men don't seem to be as loyal to black women as black women are to them, should we give up on them? Since they don't seem to be putting as many rings on our fingers as they are babies in our tummies, should we look else where for love?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Wrap It Up!!!

It's no secret that STD and pregnancy rates have skyrocketed, even more so in the state of Mississippi and then even more than that in the black community. It is more likely that a new diagnosis of HIV/AIDS is that of a black person than any other race and that a black girl will get pregnant before finishing high school than that of any other race. Oddly enough though, we still see nothing wrong with playing Russian Roulette with our bodies and lives by still having unprotected sex. What are we thinking? That it can't happen to us? That because he/she said they're clean means it's true? That because he/she doesn't look like they have anything they must not? None of these are clear indications of whether or not that one heated night of passion will leave us with some life altering issue we can never get rid of. The only sure fire way to prevent getting any STD's or unwanted pregnancies is abstinence, which is most likely the ONLY sex "education" we're getting here in Mississippi and the reason, some would argue, that we have such high STD and teen pregnancy rates. My point is this, although it is true that abstinence is the only 100% way to stay free from STD's and unwanted pregnancies, most of us aren't willing to abstain from sex, so with that being said WRAP IT UP! Do you know that Jackson, Ms, not even the whole state of Mississippi, was number 11 on the top 25 cities for HIV? Or how about that in 2009, which by the way really wasn't that long ago (that also means the rates are most likely higher now), blacks/ African Americans made up an estimated 50% of new HIV diagnoses? Or that black teens between 15 and 19 are more likely to get pregnant, 126 per 1,000 women? Or that Mississippi is one of the top states for teen pregnancy, in 2006 it was number 3? We have got to do better! We need to learn that contraceptives are there for a reason, because we need them We need to protect ourselves from STD's and unwanted pregnancies and HIV/AIDS. We need to WRAP IT UP! I can't say it enough, if you're going to do it, at least protect yourself. WRAP IT UP!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Good Sex Begins Outside Of The Bedroom

Women are typically emotional creatures, which means we need an emotional connection with our partners in order to really enjoy sex (although there are always exceptions to every rule). You have to have that special spark to have that amazing, out of this world sex so that means you have to spend time doing things together outside of the bedroom. Intimacy doesn't mean sex only. Find things that you both enjoy and do them sporadically. Have romantic evenings together, talk about the things that make you attracted to each other. These are ways to show each other how much you care and build an even stronger connection. Also, try something new together whether it be a new outdoor activity or a new restaurant. Just feeling more connected to your partner, learning new and exciting things about them, can excite you even more when you finally do get back to the bedroom for sex. Now, just because I'm suggesting that you be intimate outside the bedroom doesn't mean you should NOT be intimate inside the bedroom, too. It has been said that women are like ovens and men are like microwaves. We need time to warm up or get aroused, while nine times out of ten the man is ready to go from the door. So, slow your roll and do a little foreplay. Kissing, rubbing, even a little dirty talk. Talk about what you can't wait to do or what you'd like to have happen. Build the tension before jumping right in it'll make the sex that much more exciting when you get there. Another thing that may be helpful in having more explosive sex and building the tension would be starting in the morning. Send a sexy text to your mate right after arriving to work in the morning, if you live together, whisper what you can wait to do that night in their ear before parting ways. Have a "quickie wake up session" before work with promises to have a longer session that night. All I'm saying is good sex is much more than the act of intercourse itself. Think about how much better sex could be if you know how much the person you're doing it with cares about you or you build up a lot of tension before releasing it during sex. You'll enjoy it that much more.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Love Never Fails

We all want love in some shape, form or fashion, a lot of us just don't know what love should be like. Maybe we've never been taught what it is to love. Maybe we've never had good models of what love should look like. Maybe we've never experienced what love feels like. God lets us know that it is okay if we've never experienced love, if we've never had good models of what love should look out. He gives us the perfect definition of love. "Love is patient, love is kind. Id does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Love is the greatest gift of all. Love doesn't hurt. When you find that God sent man or woman, he/she will accept you as you are because God will have molded him/her to fit you. Love is not being with someone who abuses you physically or verbally. It is not someone who cheats on you repeatedly. It is not someone who merely makes you an option. If you love God and yourself first, you will find a love that never fails, a real love. You just have to learn to be willing to wait until the love you want makes its way to you. God will give you the desires of your heart if you'll just trust in Him.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Is Marriage Becoming Extinct?

It's getting harder and harder for me to even imagine myself married every day, especially with the horrible statistics about black women getting married and the even more horrible ones about educated black women getting married. It seems we are the last to be chosen as wives, or at least that's what statistics would lead us to believe. However, after taking a look around at those around me, I have come to realize that it's not just black women who aren't getting married, it's people period. Cohabitation seems to be the thing to do now, it's a comfortable medium between getting "hitched" and just being in a relationship. It shows that you're committed to the person you're with without actually being "tied down" to them legally and without your feeling like you HAVE to be there. Forever is a LONG time after all. But to that same token, I'm also seeing another change in my generation, now I meet more and more people who have taken on the ideal of "I'm young, all I want to do is have fun". Relationships in general have somehow gotten a bad rep and some people are heading for the hills at the mention of the r word much less the m word. So my question is this; is marriage becoming extinct? How have marriages and relationships in general gotten such a bad rep? Will future generations choose living together to show how much they love each other rather than walking down the aisle? Will people even still believe that true love exists anymore?

Friday, August 19, 2011

Can Long Distance Relationships Work?

This is an age old question, and yet I still don't think there's a sure fire, quick fix answer to it nor do I believe there ever will be. Every situation is different so in some cases I believe it could work while in other cases... Not so much. Now, I believe also that those that work will only work at a distance for so long because we as human beings need love and affection and we also crave attention, that being said if you can't get all that you need and deserve from the one you're committed to you may rebel and start looking for those things else where. I think if your distance is only a temporary thing and you know when the distance will no longer be an issue, it's easier to handle. For instance, if one of you is in school in a particular area and have a year or two left to finish before you're able to move closer to your mate, it's easier for you to deal with the distance versus you not knowing how long you'll be so far apart because of other issues like being away for war. However, I know of two contradicting sayngs that also make this a hard question to answer clearly; absence makes the heart grow fonder and out of sight, out of mind. What do you think? Can a long distance relationship ever work? Or do you think you should just remain single if the person you want to be with is a long distance from you?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Is It Because I'm White?

Now, I know this is kind of a touchy subject, but somebody's got to talk about it so why not me? I've always heard and even seen how hurt, how outraged, how upset black women are when black men date or marry white women, but I have never understood why. I know that it could be for many reasons some along the lines of it seems like white women have everything anyway so why should they get our men, too? Or black men should learn that white women only want to use and abuse them (although truth be told women of all races are guilty of this). Or black women should be the first choice in a black man's mind. Okay, so here's what I have to say, love is blind and it is very possible that a black man has actually fallen in love with a white woman and didn't marry her to gain status in society. And to the same token, black women have to learn to date outside of their race as well. I know that we all love our black men and desire to marry them, but truth be told there really are good men in other races and love knows no color. Why should we limit ourselves to one race of people? My point is, we should save all of our negative attention geared towards the white women who have "stolen" our black men and turn it into positive energy to be happy that they are happy and focus on being happy ourselves. And let me also say that I'm not saying ALL black women can't stand to see black men with white women because I know that isn't true. In fact, there are some black women who have decided to marry white men. I just say if you'd be happy to hear that a black couple has gotten married and are living the good life, you should be just as happy if it's an interracial couple including a black man and white woman.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Bi-Curious Or Bi-Sexual (When Is It Crossing The Line?)

Okay, so, a couple of weeks ago when I was on the show with Mista Maine on Hot 977 talking about people on the down low, the subject came up about the way girls act with their friends. Now, I will say that girls are typically able to get away with doing things that if done by guys would be considered gay or certainly inappropriate, but some things though, I have never done with my friends, nor have I desired to. Here are a few examples, I have never "practiced" kissing one of my friends, I have never "experimented" with tribbing (the act of rubbing your clit against the clit of another girl), I have never used a sex toy on another girl or had her use one on me, I have never "experimented" with oral sex with another girl, and so on and so forth. I think there is a thin line between friendly touching and sexual touching and also a thin line between bi-curious and bi-sexual. Here's the thing, girls who are friends and nothing more SLEEP in bed together, they don't experiment with kissing or tribbing or anything even remotely romantic or sexual. Someone who is bi-curious is someone who is curious about what it is like to be with someone of the same sex NOT someone who has already been with someone of the same sex, enjoyed it and has done it on multiple occasions. I said all this to say that although it is more acceptable for girls to sleep in bed together,  kiss each other on the cheek, and maybe even touch each other in intimate areas playfully, when you get to the point where girls are making out and experimenting with sexual things together, that's crossing the line into something more. Maybe they were bi-curious and decided to try some things together, maybe they know that guys will show them attention if they think they'll have a chance at a threesome with them if they act that way, or maybe they are really into girls, but are afraid to admit to being bi. Either way, straight girls just don't find that doing sexual things with their friends is appealing. Just thought I'd clear that up for the guys who had comments about this at the station.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

And They Say Women Don't Know What They Want?!?

Okay, so let me just say I know women are complicated and we are thinkers. Let me also note that I have read on more than one occasion that we women tend to over think the actions of men because in fact men are very simple creatures. Here's my thing though, some of the actions men make baffle even other men. For instance, why would you have a beautiful woman at home with whom you've been with for years, one you should most definitely be able to communicate with, then go out and cheat with the first thing that opens her legs? Why not just leave if you aren't happy or getting what you want at home? Or why is it that men will say they want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets, but if she's too freaky in their opinion, they think she's a whore then leave? Or on the opposite end, they want a good girl, but if she isn't open enough to things they feel she should be into, they leave then, too? It makes no sense. Oh! I got another one! Why would a guy show interest in a girl, invite her out on a date, be genuinely nice to her then suddenly pull away and stop all communication with her? I said all that to say that I think men are just as confused by their emotions as they like to say women are. Emotions are tricky and they can confuse anyone, man or woman. HOWEVER, like I always say, communication is key. You have to be open and honest with people about how you feel. I know that is easier said than done as we are all also afraid of rejection, but life is all about taking chances. You can never find what you're looking for if you're always too afraid to seek it.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Baby Imma Need Some Motivation

Now, this topic isn't necessarily a serious topic, but it's still one I'd like to discuss. Kelly Rowland's song Motivation is a smash hit and I sometimes find myself humming along when I head it on the radio or singing it in the shower when it's stuck in my head. Here's what I have to say though, women need some motivation, too. It's not all the time that we are in control (although I'm sure guys wish girls would take control more often) and so when we finally are on top, we're not always in the type of shape we should be in to keep the ride going. In other words, we get tired! Truth be told, we may think it's fun and excited, definitely pleasurable, but after a while, our legs are hurting,  and we may even be out of breath. I can not speak for all women as some women may be able to ride that, as Ginuwine put it, "pony" until the sun comes up and have no problem getting back on when the "pony" rises again. All I'm saying is sometimes a girl needs you to give her some motivation, too. We need you to tell us we can keep riding until the end. We can end the race in victory. Oh! And on another note, guys, we also need motivation because this isn't something we do all the time. A lot of times, women are less open in the bedroom, help us out. Motivate us to do it, tell us what you like, how it feels because in the end, motivation can be the best thing to ever happen in your sex live. If we feel like we're doing something well, we want to continue doing it, if we continue doing it, you'll be happier people.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

I believe this is something that we are missing from our world today. "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39) If more people would be happy when someone else succeeded in something, we'd all be happier people. We need to stop hating on each other, putting people's dreams down. God has made several promises to us in which we should cling to and believe. God promises to fulfill His purpose for us (Psalm 138:8), He promises to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), He promises that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31), etc. What I'm trying to say here is, if we would love our neighbors as ourselves, we wouldn't be so quick to turn up our noses at them, to be mean and want to fight them, or to put them down when they're trying to do something good for themselves. More than anything else though, what I'm trying to say is trust and believe that what God has to say is the truth and you'll find your life is more fulfilled than you could ever imagine. God wants us to be happy within our marriages, he wants us to have successful careers, he wants us to have beautiful friendships, he wants us to have lives that we love. I think realizing that God has created us all with a purpose and that loving others will free you to live your life peacefully will release you to a life filled with blessings.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Cohabitation (Good Idea or Bad Karma?)

It's become more and more common these days. So much so that it's what people have come to expect will be the next step you take in a serious relationship. I'm talking about cohabitation or "shacking up" as the older generations call it. Moving in together is a serious decision, one that shouldn't be taken lightly. You'll definitely get to learn all about a person, their good AND bad habits, what makes them tick, their sleeping patterns, etc. Some people even say you can not truly know a person or whether or not you really want to marry them until you both live under one roof. On the other hand though, statistics show that living together before marriage may be one of the leading factors for divorce. Reasons for that being once you live together under one roof there's really nothing left to look forward to within marriage, you're already living together and doing all the things a married couple does you just don't have legal documents binding you together. People get comfortable with this living arrangement and feel it's no longer important to get married so they continuously put getting married off. Here's the twist though, once they finally do get married and are legally bound together, fear sets in. No longer are they able to just pack up and move out without any real issues. No longer is one person's debt their own, the two have now become one. The thought of actually being bound to someone FOREVER is frightening and more that some people can handle which in turn leads to divorce. Now, statistics do not say that ALL couples who live together before marriage end up divorced, in fact, some couples have cohabitated and go on to have happy, successful marriage. Every situation is different. My question is though, what do you think? Should you live together before getting married? Do you think the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" should be applied when considering cohabitation? Is cohabitation a good idea or bad karma?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Confidence=Sexy

We all have our insecurities. It can sometimes feel as though whatever it is that you're insecure about it in the spotlight and everyone around you knows exactly what it is. Here's the truth though, EVERYONE has insecurities and most people are busy dealing with what's going on with their lives and are certainly not occupied with whatever it is that you're insecure about. Letting your insecurities consume your thoughts can really hinder you from being successful in all aspects of life, especially in the romance department. Dig this, no one wants to be with someone who is so caught up with worrying about their insecurities that they can't focus on anything else. No one wants to be with someone they always have to convince they are attractive, intelligent, good enough. You have to learn to love yourself for the person that you are. Know that we are all different, unique and not one person on this earth is perfect. Love yourself for you and what you are and people will love you in return. You have to love yourself FIRST. Here are a few suggestions to get you to loving yourself the way you should. Find an affirmation that you like, something like "I am wonderful, I can do anything" or "I love myself just as I am" and repeat that to yourself daily until you truly believe it. If you have body image issues, read up on or ask someone you trust to help you find outfits that accentuate your best features and expand on that, your body is yours, LOVE IT! Exercising can help you increase feelings of happiness and confidence, make time for it. Write down ten things you think are great about yourself and read them daily, soon you'll see that you have more great things about you than you originally thought. And last but certainly not least, if you believe there is a God and believe that His word is true, read the Bible and see the awesome things that he has to say about you! God loves you, thinks you're amazing just the way you are, I'm certain He knows what He's talking about. :)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Variety Is The Spice Of Life (Are You Open Enough?)

Are you tired of the same ole, same ole in bed? Do you wish your partner would be more open in the bedroom? Do you just feel your sex life has become boring? Then I say don't talk about it, be about it. Find some new things you'd like to try and communicate them to your partner. If you're skeptical about trying new things, find a compromise. Variety is the spice of life! There are so many variations of things you could try. Perhaps you want to bring sex toys into the equation. Now, let me speak to the guys for a second here and make it clear that they actually have created toys meant to be pleasurable for both men and women (i.e. the wevibe or butterfly). And for the more conservative consumer, they have created a website dedicated to selling "intimacy products" for married couples, visit book22.com. Maybe you want to bring food in. You can try whip cream or caramel or edible oils. Don't want to get sticky? Try eating aphrodisiac foods like avocado, chocolate, bananas, and watermelon the "natural Viagra". You can try role playing, watching pornographic films together, having sex in a place other than the bed, buy a Kama Sutra and try some of the positions you see in there. All I'm saying is, sex should be fun for both parties which means you most definitely have to be open and honest. You have to be willing to make some type of compromise. Now I'm not saying you have to try things you truly don't feel comfortable with just to make your partner happy, BUT you should try to reach a compromise that will both spice things up a bit and leave you both feeling satisfied.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Is Honesty Always The Best Policy?

Let's say you're in a relationship with one person, but you suddenly find yourself out with someone else. The evening starts off innocently enough, but ends with you and this person kissing under the stars. Or perhaps you and your significant other are going through a rough patch and you find yourself becoming emotionally attached to someone else within that time. Or maybe you met up with your ex while your s.o. was away and you all end up having a sexy night of passionate sex. Should you tell your s.o. about what happened? I've always been taught that what is done in the light shall come to the light and it is better to be honest up front than to lie and hide things from someone you love. However, as of late, I've been told so many other conflicting things like "The number one rule is not to tell on yourself", and "A girl should never tell a guy she cheated, men can't stand feeling like they're aren't good enough". Now, here's my thing with that though, like I said, I've always been taught that what's done in the dark will be brought to the light and I truly believe that. And as far as that other comment goes, I think that should go for everyone, male and female. No one likes to feel like they're not good enough, although I do think sometimes a man's ego is a bit more fragile, that's a topic of discussion for another time though...  On the other hand though, no one wants to hurt someone they really care about and so more people are therefore prone to keeping their little extracurricular activities to themselves. They don't want to break up their happy home by telling their s.o. they did something they know they wouldn't approve of. And in some cases people believe "what they don't know won't hurt"... So, what do you think? Is honesty always the best policy? Should you tell your s.o. if you cheat? Or should you stick to the "number one rule" and never tell on yourself? Are some things better left unsaid?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Where Have All The Gentlemen Gone?

As of late, it seems as if gentlemen have just disappeared. No longer do you see most guys opening doors for ladies or carrying heavy items so ladies don't have to. Guys don't walk up to ladies and say "Hi, how are you today?" Instead, they walk up talking about how "thick" you are or how big your breasts or behind are. Now, truth be told, some guys may not have been taught how to approach a lady and to that same effect, some ladies haven't been taught how to act like ladies. I had to stop and ask myself one day if girls really respond to the way some of these guys talk to them and my answer was emphatically yes! Guys would act better if they knew better and girls would demand more respect if they truly realized the respect they deserved. We need more men stepping up to the plate and showing our youth how to act. It is more likely that a boy is being raised by his single mother than either both his mother and father or just his father which means he is never taught the proper ways to approach and interact with a woman. A woman CAN NOT be a man and woman try as though she might. And to the same token, it is more likely that a girl is raised by her single mother than either her mother and father or just her father which means she never gets to see how a man and woman are supposed to interact, she's never taught the rules of the game as only a man can teach her. I said all this to say that, if we had more men showing our young men what it is to be a REAL man,one who treats everyone with respect (beginning with himself) and carries himself like a gentleman, not one chasing skirts and wearing pants 3 sizes too big. And if more women would show our young ladies how to carry themselves like ladies and to respect themselves FIRST and not have guys walking all over them like doormats, true gentlemen wouldn't be a dying breed... 

Monday, August 8, 2011

Talking Dirty In Bed

I happen to think talking dirty in bed is a good thing. It can enhance the pleasure, turn up the heat if you will. It's something that I think everyone should try at least once because it's nice to hear your partner telling you what you're doing feels good which in turn make you feel good. Here's the thing about talking dirty though, when you're talking dirty, you do have to remember what you're doing in the process. Dirty talk is supposed to be a PART of the process, not the entire thing. You're not trying to hold a conversation, you're just saying a few things here and there to let your partner know you're enjoying what's going on. Now, in my opinion, saying things like slut, whore, b*tch, etc during that time should be off limits, but then again, if that's what you're into, who am I to judge. To each his own. All I'm saying is it wouldn't be so bad if you let a "Oooh! That feels so good", or a "Yeah, baby, right there", slip out every now and then. Be open, try new things. You never know how something could spice up your life or how much you really love something until you try it.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Too Heaven Minded To Be Any Earthly Good

Last Sunday as I sat in church listening to the pastor preach, he said something that made me think. Something that I believe has been a topic amongst people and their friends for ages. He said "Some of y'all are too heaven minded to be any earthly good", meaning some people act too religious. He was referring to the people who can't have a conversation with you without mentioning God or what He has done for them lately. The people who believe they can't drink or dance or talk to people who aren't "saved". Ultimately, his point was this, you can be religious without being too religious. Don't talk about it, be about it. People should know you're Christian by your actions, you shouldn't have to mention God and all that He's done in order for people to realize you're Christian. If all you do is talk about God, church, and Christianity, people aren't going to want to be around you. And if you're in the dating world, that can be an INSTANT turn off. I'm not saying that in order to find a mate you have to pretend NOT to be Christian, but I am saying you need to learn to relax a bit. Live a Christian life, be true to the Word of God, but DON'T shove your religious beliefs down the throats of the people you meet. Dig this, Jesus had general conversations with people, he even befriended people who weren't saved. We should all strive to be more like him each day. Do you think there's a such thing as too religious? Do you know someone who is too heaven minded? Do you think you can show people how much of a Christian you are without talking about it all day everyday?

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The L Word

Love. We all want it, we all think it's a wonderful thing. But when you find it, who should utter those three small words ("I love you") first? Should a lady ever say it first or should she always wait for her man to say it first? This is an age old question and I've heard views from both sides. On one hand, people say a girl should wait for her man to say it first because men can be very sensitive about the use of those three little words and men should always be the ones to lead into everything. It is believed that telling someone you love them takes the relationship to a new level, a level you don't know if a man is ready for unless he's says it first. So, in order to save face, you should always let a man say "I love you" first. Then on the other hand, people say if you feel it, you should share it. If you love someone you should tell them, no matter if you're the man in the situation or not. You never know until you try. Your man may be just as nervous as you to say those words first, so what's the harm in you expressing your love for him first? I'd have to say though that it's all up to you and what you deem to be appropriate. Maybe you truly believe that a man should say he loves his girl first. Maybe you believe you should say what you feel regardless of your gender. I think it's "to each his own". Everybody's situation is unique, you do what feels right to you.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Sex, Making Love, F*cking; Is There A Difference?

Hmm... This one to me is kind of interesting. Some people feel that any time you engage in sexual intercourse, it falls into one category, sex. Others feel there is a difference in making love, having sex, and f*cking. Some may say making love is the act of having intercourse with emotions involved (it's slow and sensual), having sex is the act of intercourse with or without emotions (it can start off slow, then end fast or the other way around. It really is just the act of intercourse), and f*cking is just wild, animalistic intercourse (rough sex is usually associated with this). Some people say you can do all three variations of sexual intercourse with someone you love. Others say you should only make love to your significant other.  I think that when you really care about someone, communication is the key to keeping things on the right track and also the key to keeping your sex life enjoyable and healthy. Let your partner know what it is you'd like to have done. Talk about what you like and what you don't like... Do you think you can make love to just anyone? Do you think f*cking should be left for people you have no serious interest in? What do you think the differences  between the three variations of sex are? Do you believe there are any differences at all?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Is Cheating The New It Thing?

I'm beginning to notice a pattern, for every ONE "committed" relationship, there are three, four, maybe even five people in it. It is as if monogamy is no longer the thing to do. It has become so common place for people to cheat that even their families sit by and watch undisturbed as men and women bring over their significant other to one family event then a new "friend" to the next gathering. If a married man is out somewhere trying to pick a new girl, he no longer feels the need to hide his wedding band, even more sad is that women will still give him their phone numbers! I do not understand how cheating has become so accepting, so much a part of everyday life that no one is surprised to find that one or both people in a relationship is cheating. Why even commit to someone if you're going to continue dating other people? And who came up with the concept of an "open marriage"? Why would you take vows before God and family only to make a mockery of them? I believe that a marriage is a sacred thing, something shared between ONE woman and ONE man. When did relationships become a social orgy? Do you think cheating is the new it thing?

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Down Low Brothers/Sisters

This is something that really should be talked about more often. Because people try to ignore it, pretend it's not there, just don't talk about it, it has become an epidemic. An extremely deadly epidemic. I think most people on the "DL" (the DL or down low for those who don't know is the term used to describe someone who has relationships with people of the opposite sex while secretly having sex with someone of the same sex) are afraid of what people will say to them if they knew they were having sex with people of the same sex. Although in some cases, people just want to have their cake and eat it too figuring if they're honest they'll lose their current relationship, and life as they know it will be over. However, think about this, if you are on the down low, behavior which could lead to all kinds of diseases and/or emotional distress, you are just as bad as, if not worse than the people who would/ do judge you. Be honest up front. Give your potential partner a chance to make an informed decision about whether or not they want to be with someone who has same sex tendencies. Also, if you are not on the DL, PLEASE PLEASE practice safe sex! STD rates are skyrocketing around here and that is just sad especially when it could be so easily prevented. All I'm saying is this, if you're on the down low and thinking about pursuing someone new, stop and think about how your lifestyle, your not being honest from the door will effect the person you're pursuing. I think just boldly lying about who you are, what you do is one of the worst things you could do to someone. It isn't fair to your partner and it isn't fair to you. What about if kids become a part of the picture? How will your not being honest effect them? I can only imagine what it must be like to feel like an outsider, to be shunned because of your feelings, what you are attracted to. I can only imagine how it feels to desire something you have always been taught is wrong and against the God who created you. That has got to be one of the toughest things to go through in the world, and I think if more people tried to be understanding of other people's feelings, were more willing to be a listening, non-judgemental ear we wouldn't have so many people feeling like they had to lie about who they truly are and the STD rates wouldn't be so high... What do you think?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

If You Like It, Put A Ring On It

Some women feel they aren't complete until they have a huge rock on their hand that they can show off to the world. The ring symbolizes a higher status in the community, that you're better than women who do not have a man. Here is what I would like to say, a big ring does not tell you how much a man loves you. It does not mean you will have the greatest marriage in the world. And if you did not feel complete BEFORE you got a ring, the ring is NOT going to change that, in fact, in some cases it could make things worse. Now I know we as women all dream of our dream man asking us to spend the rest of our lives with him while offering a huge rock to us to seal the deal, BUT the size of the ring should not be your biggest concern. Have you ever noticed that some of the happiest married women have small rings if they are wearing one at all? Money does not equal happiness just like a huge ring does not equal a great a marriage. So, don't be so concerned with the size of the ring you want him to buy, be more concerned with whether or not he is a good man who will treat you like the queen you are. Truth be told most men are just regular, hard working Joes who want to share their love with someone special even if they don't have enough money to buy an expensive ring. It's great if you meet someone who can afford to buy you expensive things, but don't let that be what you base your decision to be in a relationship on.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Friends With Benefits

Everyone has either been in this type of situation or you know someone else who has. Maybe you started off as platonic friends. Maybe you just got out of a long term relationship and aren't looking for anything serious right now. Maybe you figured being friends with "benefits" will be something fun and exciting. My question is though, do you thing these types of relationships ever really work out? Can you truly just be friends with benefits and be happy? Can a friends with benefits situation ever turn out to be something more meaningful and solid? From what I have witnessed and read, most situations that include a friends with benefits relationship end badly. Sometimes one of the parties involved develops feelings for the other person and those feelings aren't reciprocated. Sometimes one party feels the other is receiving more "benefits" than he/she is. Sometimes one person may just get bored and want to move on. My point is usually one or both parties involved in this situation ends up hurt.